


The Shortest “Mistaken Identity” Sterek Fic Ever Because… Shit Girl, I Don’t Know… I Just Really Wanted to Write Some Stuter?

by FiccinDylan



Series: Sick of Your Shit Verse [11]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (Stuart pretends to be Stiles and all the misunderstandings that come with), Alternate Canon, Background Relationships, Kinky, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mistaken Identity, Misunderstandings, kinky and proud, mentions of halecest, mentions of rope play, only mentions of sterek though it is established, stuter, subbing in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-29
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 22:44:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5309867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey Bro…”  Stuart is automatically suspicious when he hears his twin brother’s trailing voice on the other end of the phone.  He and Stiles have always had a type of twinsense, so he’s felt slightly uneasy all day.  Now he knows why.</p><p>“Stiles, no!”  He yells out before Stiles can get a word in edgewise.</p><p>“Stu, c’mon!”  Stiles eeks in there.  Stuart sighs, he should have just hung up.</p><p>aka Stiles needs a favor from Stu and as usual it involved Beacon Hills, werewolves, and his asshole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shortest “Mistaken Identity” Sterek Fic Ever Because… Shit Girl, I Don’t Know… I Just Really Wanted to Write Some Stuter?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DiscontentedWinter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiscontentedWinter/gifts).



> FD after dark, y'all!
> 
> This shortest sterek series has really become only mildly shortest and relatively sterek, but dangit I love it so if you're into it, I hope you enjoy this.
> 
> It's very, very stupid.
> 
> Also, for DW because her Hale Sammich is tasty and oh so filling and because why not?

“Hey Bro…” Stuart is automatically suspicious when he hears his twin brother’s trailing voice on the other end of the phone. He and Stiles have always had a type of twinsense, so he’s felt slightly uneasy all day. Now he knows why.

“Stiles, no!” He yells out before Stiles can get a word in edgewise.

“Stu, c’mon!” Stiles eeks in there. Stuart sighs, he should have just hung up.

“You haven’t even asked me anything yet!”

“I haven’t even asked you anything yet! Wait, what?”

“Meaning that you haven’t asked me anything and yet I know it’s gonna be some bullshit. My stomach has been in knots all day!” Stuart says as he uncaps a bottle of Mylanta. He takes a swig and grimaces at the chalky taste.

“Oh, dude, I’m sorry. Look, I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t important.”

“What is it?” Stu says with a roll of his eyes as he settles back on his bed. Stiles exhales and begins to explain.

“So remember last year when I said there was no such things as unicorns?”

“Nope! Shut it down.”

“Stu, wait-”

“No, Stiles! I don’t remember that because I probably wasn’t there because if I were there I probably would have reminded you that you live in Beacon _fucking_ Hills and how about you just never discount anything ever?” Stuart says as he flips through the channels on his TV. He wants to hang up, he really does, he knows nothing good can come from this call.

“That’s besides the point, Stu.” Stiles insists.

“I’m pretty sure that’s the entire point, Stiles.” Stuart rebuffs.

“I need you to fuck Peter.” Stiles blurts out.

Stuart sputters out some of the chalky liquid still coating his throat, hacking into the receiver. After a moment he catches his breath.

“No!”

“Stuart, _please_!?”

“Who the fuck is Peter, and how is he connected to a fucking unicorn?”

“So last year I was saying that there weren’t such things as unicorns and Derek’s uncle Peter insisted that there were…” Stuart rubs his temples and looks for the Excedrin.

“So you bet a supernatural creature who has spent his entire life as a werewolf and is cognizant of other supernatural creatures… that unicorns didn’t exist?”

“Well when you put it like that?”

“When I put it like it actually happened?! Really, Stiles?”

“He was harassing me! I got caught up!” Stuart throws his remote on his desk and flops around on his bed.

“Did he call you chicken? Does this story end with Biff Tannen in a pile of shit?”

“No, but -and here’s the part where you come in- it might end with a weredick up your ass!” Stuart can hear Stiles smirking over the phone and he fucking _refuses_.

“I’m leaving.”

“Wait, no! What? You’re in San Francisco, you tool.”

“I know, I’m moving far away, somewhere deep in Oakland where you’ll never find me and try to convince me to fuck your creepy uncle-in-law. Wait, how does this bet end in me fucking your uncle-in-law?” Stuart asks, trying to place the missing piece in this puzzle.

“He’s not my in-law, there ain’t no ring on this finger!” Stuart hears Stiles give snaps for the kids before continuing, “But, well I said, _wanna bet_? and that if I was right Peter would have to go on vacation for at least six months, and if he was right then he gets to fuck me.”

“What are those fucking stakes, Stiles? Did you also bet your kidney?”

“No, of course not, that’s going to be for you.” Stiles says absently. Stu can’t help but smile and remembers why he loves his dillhole of a twin brother. “Besides, either way I was bound to win. You’ve seen Peter, he’s fucking hot.”

Stu scrunches his face, “with the trenchcoat?” Stiles gasps.

“Oh! No, dude! He lost the coat, got a haircut and grew a goatee and bulked up. Trust me, bro. I know you like older guys and he’s daddy af. Not full salt ‘n’ pepper, but the years are gonna be _good_ to him.” he promises.

Stu looks at his phone to see Stiles sending him a picture. It’s a photo of a man lurking on that ridiculous spiral staircase in Derek’s loft. Shit, Stiles was right, this guy was fucking Hale hot.

“Okay, yeah. But why don’t you just fuck him?” Stu asks, “And it’s been like a year, right? It took him a year to prove that unicorns existed? And- wait, unicorns _DO_ exist?!” Fuck, what a world they lived in!

“Yeah, they do, but they’re kind of assholes, it’s a long story.” Stiles summarizes. Still, Stuart is pretty awed. “Anyhow, Peter basically waited until I was with Derek to cash in so he could be the king of all douchebags, but I need to follow through on the bet so I need you to take my place.”

“I’m still not completely following…”

“I gotta make good with Peter, Stu! I will not be made a welcher and-”

“Jesus, Stiles! Did you leave him your marker? Did Lindy promise he’d tell you how many danish were sold and how many cheesecakes?”

“Dude, sidenote, but you are _on fire_ with the cinematic references today! Respect.”

Stu forces down a grin, “Turner Classic was have a weird marathon this weekend. I honestly think the theme was _‘Movies’_.”

“Peter doesn’t know you exist, hell, Derek barely believes me. I think he thinks I’ve photoshopped all the pics we’re in together as some elaborate prank against Scott. Either that or to justify having a really intense relationship with an imaginary friend.”

“I honestly wouldn’t put either past you, Stiles.”

“I can’t blame him, I’ve given up trying.” Stiles sighs as he audibly shrugs.

Stuart reaches under his bed and pulls out his dufflebag.

“So you need me to _pretend_ to be you to go through with this bet?”

“Yup! What do you say?” Stuart can hear the hopefulness in Stiles’ voice.

“Anything I need to know about this guy?” Stu asks. He hears Stiles whoop in the background and imagines he’s fist pumping or humping the air. Probably both.

“The less you know the better, bro.” Stiles answers, slightly winded.

“Alright, when does this thing go down?”

“When can you be here?”

Stuart rolls his eyes as he throws a few outfits into his bag. He goes to the bathroom to get some toiletries.

“Actually you’re in luck. We’re on break and mom- I mean, umm, Aunt Clare. Shit, sorry, Stiles.” Stu stops and holds the phone to his ear cautiously. Stiles chuckles.

“It’s okay, bro, I get it.” he says like a pat on the back.

“It’s just that, the kids all call her mom and it’s easier sometimes, I don’t know.”

“Stu, you don’t have to explain, out of anyone you know I get it. It’s okay.” Stiles insists. Stuart smiles and continues packing. Claudia Stilinski died when the boys were 12. Stiles loved their mother dearly, but he really was a daddy’s boy. Stuart on the other hand was purely a mama’s boy and part of his reasons for going to stay with his Aunt Clare was because he missed her so much. He got that she wasn’t his real mom, but it helped. Her husband died around the same time as Claudia so Stuart stayed for a long time to help and when he was 16 his aunt remarried. 3 years and 3 kids later, Stuart was still there and considered part of the immediate family. He missed his brother and dad, but he felt at home.

“Anyhow, Aunt Clare thought we should come and visit. We were going to wait until the weekend, but I can probably convince her to come up tonight at long as I help get the twins and Max ready.”

“Awesome, Stu! Oh my god, you’re the best! Thank you so much!” Stiles bubbles on the end of the line. Stu smiles as he holds a cock ring in one hand and an anal plug in the other.

“Hey, Stiles? Is he a top? Fuck, do you have any fleet?”

“Yeah, bro. I’m stocked, and probably, though you never know. He’s got a bit of a Napoleon complex.”

Stuart shrugs and throws both in his bag, “Whatever, I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Thanks, Stu! I love you and I owe you one!”

“You owe me 12, Stiles.”

“Hey, if you play your cards right, you’re gonna get at least nine.” Stuart looks up from where he’s absentmindedly choosing books to pack.

“Fuck, really?”

“Big daddy!”

Maybe Stu not hanging up was a good idea after all…

***

Stuart shows up to Derek’s loft and looks around seeing it empty.

“Peter?” he calls out.

“Up here, pet. Come and let’s settle this silly little thing, shall we?”

Uggh, Stuart was already annoyed as he walked up the ridiculous spiral staircase and towards one of the rooms upstairs. He idles outside of the room and sees Peter, naked facing the window. Damn, Stiles was right, he was daddy as _fuck_. “ _Unftastic_.”

Peter cocks an eyebrow looking slyly in Stuart’s direction over his shoulder.

“What was that, pet? See something you like?” He can’t fully see Stu who is obscured by the door, but Stu can see Peter subtly flex his buns. Damn, he hated that he had to take his glasses off for this. He can’t see shit without them unless he’s really close. He sighs and puts his glasses into his bag before walking carefully into the room.

“There he is. You make quite the entrance, Stiles.” Peter’s eyes slither appreciatively up and down Stuart’s frame.

Stuart schools his expression and rolls his eyes for effect. “You ready to get this shit over with?” Peter pretends to pout.

“Aww, don’t be like that, Stiles. I promise this will be a night to remember.”

“Oh really,” Stu snarks, “Will the unsinkable Molly Brown rally the troops? Is your dick the Titanic and my ass the iceberg?”

Peter cocks his eyebrow suspiciously, “What?”

“It was a really weird marathon,” Stu explains absently as he tears off his shirt, throwing it to the side.

Peter seems slightly thrown by Stu’s bravado (Stu assumes, he can’t see shit), “Stiles… are you okay?”

“I’m not-” Stiles. Which is what Stu usually says, but he remembers quickly that in order to get this daddy wolf on top of him, for the moment he _is_ Stiles, “I’m not okay, dammit!” Stu drops his head and looks at the amorphous yet still sexy blob in front of him.

“Because you’re all the way over there… _daddy_.” He says with a wink. Peter huffs out an amused chuckle.

“Okay… well, come here and let daddy undress you.”

Stuart lets out a snarl and begins to saunter as sexily (and carefully) as he can. He still manages to snag himself on a rogue ottoman, but his flailing just serves to assure Peter that it really is Stiles.

“Come on, pet. Let me show you how a real wolf does it.”

“Oh yes, daddy!” Stu says as he jumps into Peter’s arms.

***

Stuart notices a new mole on his ankle as his legs are thrown over his head. He thinks about getting it checked out but is distracted when he feels Peter’s tongue in his ass and his goatee burning the inside of his thighs. Peter has both of Stuart’s balls in his mouth before saying,

“I’m surprised my nephew allowed you to go through with this.” He’s fishing, Stuart can tell. He’s sure he’s done some things that are anti-Stiles. He probably bit Peter’s ass too hard or rode Peter’s face too enthusiastically. Either way, Stuart could give a fuck as long as Peter got inside of him in the next five minutes.

“Fuck Derek!” Yeah, fuck Derek! Well, okay, Stu doesn’t really know Derek; he just  Stiles is crazy about him and the twinsense thing kind of makes it so that Stu is a little in love with him too. Which of course drives Stu crazy so yeah, fuck Derek!

“Fuck Derek?” Peter replies without any heat. He’s raised an eyebrow which Stuart tries to lower with his inner thigh and sheer force of will.

“Right in the ass! That’s where I fucked him after he said he didn’t want me fucking you! Yeah, and umm… I told him to imagine it was you fucking me and why should i miss out on that and I’m no fucking welcher! Sinatra played me in a movie!” Stuart adds a flail for effect and Peter looks… perplexed.

“Okay, Stiles. That sounds…” Peter looks to the heavens briefly before rolling his eyes and shrugging, “Whatever, I don’t care.” He goes back to the task at hand (and at mouth) and continues pulling Stuart apart.

Fuck, Stu’s gotta remember to _Stiles_ it in. He can’t be his naturally raunchy DTF self. He’s gotta at least try to show a little resistance to Peter. It shouldn’t be hard, except Peter’s tongue and now his fingers are making it _very_ hard! Making him very hard, shit!

“Oh yeah, fuck me daddy! I’m ready! You like it when I call you _daddy_? I’ve been such a _baaad_ boy!” Okay, so Stu has never been accused of having too much chill, but what can he say? He’s kinky and proud.

“Stiles, what?” Peter asks fondly, genuinely trying not to care, but Stu’s tactics (and decided lack of tact) leave him no choice. Stu is clearly off the rails. Maybe if he adds in a few more flails?

“Are you having a seizure? Are you okay?”

Alright, so that plan backfired.

“Just fucking fuck me you grizzly piece of shit!”

“ _Grizzly_?” Peter scoffs, trying to hide his true offense.

“Just shut up and get inside me already!”

“Alright!” He yells in Stuart’s face, causing him only to get harder. Peter still looks confused, but again loses the ability to care when he slips into Stu’s tight, clenching heat. Peter fucks into him languidly and soundly, pulling out obscene noises of pleasure from Stu’s welcoming body. He starts with Stuart on his back, folded in half, and 20 minutes later ends up with Stu on top of him, riding Peter like he’s a bucking bronco.

And saying some _really_ fucked up shit.

“Fuck yeah, Peter! Fuck my slutty ass wide open you son of a bitch! Show this cowboy that _nuh-uh_! No glue factory for you, you daddy motherfucker! Yee- _haw_!” Stu comes wildly into the air hitting Peter, the headboard and himself. He collapses off to the side, rolling off of Peter’s dick which is still very much hard.

Peter looks at the boy incredulously and holds his hand out from him as far as he can before looking at Stuart.

“How many fingers am I holding up?” he asks breathily with his other hand gathered around the base of his penis.

Stu looks briefly and then frowns… he can’t see _shit_.

“I don’t know, daddy! You’ve fucked me blurry!”

“ _Who are you?!_ ” Peter yells at Stu who falls gracelessly off the bed. He thinks he recovers well when he gets on his knees and spread his cheeks, a little of Peter’s precum slipping out.

“Who cares just fuck me?” After a long moment where Stu’s asshole begins to get offended, Peter sighs and shakes his head.

“I guess.” He hauls Stu back on the bed and proceeds fucking the life out of him again. He slips in smoothly and alternates between small rabbit thrusts and long languid strokes. He plays with the angle until he finds the one that renders Stuart speechless. Almost.

“Uggh, so fucking full, daddy!” Stuart yells out as Peter postulates about his dilemma.

“Did Stiles create a clone just so he wouldn’t have to fuck me? Does he have access to that type of magic?”

“I’m with your nephew, Peter! No time to create a clone, always fucking-” and Stiles and Derek were. Stu felt increasingly horny ever since they’ve gotten together. He’s never wanted to bottom so much in his life. “ _Ooh_ that’s it, daddy. Right there!”

“I still can’t believe Stiles would tell Derek. I don’t think Derek’s even told him that he and I have fucked.”

“Wait, what?” Stu says, not wanting to stop, but suddenly interested in this new information.

“Stiles would probably have an aneurysm if he knew.”

“I’m right here you ass!” Peter draws out of Stu and rolls him into his back spreading his ankles as far apart as they’ll go and sinking his length back into Stu’s gaping hole.

“No, sorry, pet. This is not Stiles’ ass. It’s lovely and similar,” Peter leans forward, whispering wetly into Stu’s ear, “but it’s missing a mole.” Stuart frowns.

“How do you know what Stiles’ ass looks like?”

“Ha! I knew it!” Peter growls before disrespecting the fuck out of Stu’s ass. Stuart yells out and grasps at the air as he tries to find some sense of stability in this crazy world.

“You know nothing! Oh my god, please! Oh I’ll tell you everything you piece of shit, just keep, _ooooohhhh_!!!” Stu comes again and Peter follows him not a moment later. When he’s done convulsing into Stu’s ass he backs onto his knees, breathing heavily and considering the fucked out picture in front of him.

“So,” he says, panting, “I guess Stiles wasn’t lying about having a twin brother.” Stu swallows and kicks at Peter while pointing to where he thinks he dropped his bag. Peter retrieves it and gives it to Stu who takes out his glasses. He also takes out a band that keeps them firmly on his head during… rigorous activity. He points to them at Peter’s confused expression.

“I can’t see shit without them.” Stu explains while shrugging. “Now get your breath together and go get some water. By the time you get back I should be ready to fuck you.”

Peter huffs, “Excuse me, _boy_?”

“Well, cat’s out of the bag, right? We’re gonna do this right. Do you have any rope?”

 

* * *

THREE HOURS LATER

* * *

 

Stu gropes around in his bag for his phone and answers just before the call goes to voicemail.

“What?”

“Dude, I sent you to Peter’s like 4 hours ago, where are you?” Stiles asks hurriedly over the phone. He sounds slightly worried.

“I’m with Peter, duh.” Stu slurs. He’s still fucked out and loving it.

“Fuck, wait, what happened?” Stiles suddenly whispers. Stu giggles.

“Stop whispering, he knows.”

“Dammit, Stu!”

“Hey, little bro-”

“By three minutes!”

“Big bro will always take care of you! It’s fine, he considers my subbing in to be a loophole and the bet is settled. You won’t be run out of town on a rail or however they settle on welchers these days.”

Stiles laughs brightly, “You’re awesome, Stu! Thanks so much! Hey-” Stiles drops back down to a whisper, “You get to top that?”

“Hell yeah, I did!”

“I knew it! I suddenly got the urge to fuck the shit out of Derek.”

“Did you?”

“Hell yeah I did, twinsense _F-T-Dubs_!”

“Are you mentally highfiving me now?”

“You know it bro!” Peter groans in the background.

“Hush you.” Stuart taps Peter lightly on the thigh causing the wolf to whimper slightly before settling down. Stu turns back to the phone, “Oh, _b-t-dubs_ , Derek and Peter have totally fucked and you should see if you can make that happen again.”

“What!” Stiles yelps out, “Is Peter still there? How is he letting you say that?”

Stuart grins, “I got him whipped. He’s mine now, aren’t you, big bad?” Peter grumbles and Stuart lets out an obscene moan.

“Whoa, bro!”

“Sorry, bro, we’re knotted and he just pressed up again my love button.” Stu slaps Peter’s thigh again when he lets another groan escape.

“Fuck, Stu! I’m so proud of you, I’m buzzing!” Stiles says excitedly.

“Right?!” Stu laughs and then winces as it pulls at the knot tying he and Peter together. Peter growls and bites possessively at Stuart’s neck.

“Hey Stiles, I gotta go. Work on getting that squaresome together and I’ll talk to you later. Love you.”

“Love you- wait, a squaresome would be Derek, Peter… and me _and…_ ”

“Bye, Stiles, see you soon!” Stu hangs up quickly and tosses his phone towards where is bag was and where he thinks his glasses flew off. He sighs and settles back into the warm embrace of his new plaything.

“I can’t see _shit_.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> As always hit me up on [Tumblr!](http://ficcindylan.tumblr.com)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Shortest "Halecest/Stilinski Twincest" Sterek Fic Ever Because Stuart is the Alpha Bitches and Don’t You Forget It](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5694883) by [FiccinDylan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiccinDylan/pseuds/FiccinDylan)




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